Five Times Anzu Wonders Why She Has to Be This Way
by YamiHaruko
Summary: Add on to Angeliz’s “Five Times Ryou Wonders Why He Has to Be This Way”. Anzu’s side of the story. Check it out see what you think. PLease read and review!


A/N: Add on to Angeliz's "Five Times Ryou Wonders Why He Has to Be This Way". Anzu's side of the story. Please understand that Angeliz has no connection to the writing of this story, except for the inspiration it gave me to add this on. It's not as good as the first, but just give this a try, and realize that I am not the same author with the same kind of style. It's bound to have its differences so please have an open mind.

(For Michelle)

Five Times Anzu Wonders Why She Has to Be This Way

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1.

Ryou is reserved and timid and withdrawn, and devotes much of his time to himself.

His room is quiet and tranquil; the perfect place to be alone. His sanctuary. When not circulating with his friends, his nose is usually deeply crammed into the latest novel from the shelves; only begrudgingly tearing away from it when absolutely necessary.

It is these qualities that draw her to him specifically. And as strange as it may seem to others to be infatuated with one who has such an introverted personality, she is completely lost in him.

2.

Long ago, Anzu remembered making the promise to help him open up. She can get him to dance eventually, she believes. But on more than one occasion Ryou lashes out at her unintentionally. And for a moment, it hurts. Anzu is sensitive, probably more than what her friends realize.

But quickly, she always reminds herself that it was not Ryou's fault. She understands that years of mental defenses and isolation cannot just wither away so easily; no matter how hard she tries. Anzu shrugs, puts on a smile while apologizing for her behavior and moves on.

More often than not, she wonders if this is truly fair. It's the timid and sometimes slightly aggressive qualities that make Ryou as perfect as he is. What would the effect of changing that be? Anzu simply wished that Ryou could have the self-confidence to see how amazing he truly is with his own eyes.

She loves him for who he is. Is changing him for perhaps his and her own benefit selfish? Or is it selfish to not even try? Because we can only be who we are. And who he is is whom she loves.

3.

Somewhere between all the smiles, the laughs, the memories, she fell in love with Ryou. And Anzu does love him - very much. More than she had ever first imagined, and it surprised her how quickly and how deeply she fell. She loved him so much that it made her chest hurt when he was in her presence, and she secretly enjoyed the pain, because it was him who unknowingly gave it to her.

At first she was uncertain and making excuses for the foreign feelings, denying them even. But she slowly began to realize that her heart belonged to the boy, whether he chose to accept it or not. Because even if rejected, Anzu could still hold on to the dream, the possibility. In her current state now though, she was unable to even get a single night of peaceful sleep without thoughts of Ryou gracing both her conscious and unconscious.

So, Anzu told Ryou her feelings, unable to hide and restrain them any longer.

And to her surprise, she thought he accepted it. She hoped he accepted it.

4.

Anzu makes a promise to herself and to her heart that she would not give up on Ryou, no matter how distant he seems sometimes. No matter the hurt she feels from it sometimes. It was how he was. That she understood and accepted instantly. And the pain was nothing compared to the joy she felt around him.

Ryou made her into a better person. Whether he realizes and believes this fact or not, it's the truth. She strives for what she believes is right because of him. Because above herself, she holds _his_ happiness and the happiness of others. And out of all of her other friends, it is Ryou who Anzu constantly wants to be around. It is Ryou that she feels most happy around and most like her true self. It is Ryou she wants to help and make happy. And it is Ryou whom she loves.

Sitting in her car in front of his apartment just before dropping him off after an eventful evening…those are her favorite moments. Because it is time alone she can cherish with him. And even when it would already be late arriving at his home, they would sometimes stay there and talk for hours about important things, about silly things, and sometimes about nothing, just simply enjoying each other's company before fatigue eventually took over, and he was forced to leave. Watching him step out of the car always hurt, and she was always reluctant, because now they were separated again.

Ryou held a mysterious, intoxicating charisma to his presence that took her breath away every time. But even as he slowly made his way to the door, she always caught the glance back at her that made her heart stop and her breath catch in her throat, and that glance made it easy and effortless to smile back to him. For him.

Because it was Ryou who put that smile on her face. And Anzu was more than grateful enough to let him see it as much as possible.

5.

Anzu is awfully quiet.

She knows that Ryou senses it and is probably beginning to believe that her silence is his fault. (His paranoia never failed when combating with his lack of self-esteem.) But the assumption is neither right nor wrong. For it isn't Ryou specifically that is the cause of her sudden shift in moods, but it is her own actions and emotions toward him.

Anzu felt like giving up.

She wants to touch, to play, to kiss. And the more she inches closer to these steps in their shaky and uncertain relationship, the more she begins to hate herself. Anzu feels like the distance keeps growing as she only tries to steer ever closer.

And indeed they have been inches apart before, but in those moments, she had never felt so far away from Ryou. It isn't fair to push this onto him when he is not ready. She can't bear to lose what she barely even has, but the pain of restraining herself is nearly as agonizing as it was before he knew Anzu's true feelings.

So she hates herself for not being able to control herself around him. And she hates herself for feeling jealousy, which is such an unfamiliar emotion to her. She hates herself for feeling upset with him, even when he has clearly done nothing wrong except being himself, which is all she knew she should ever ask of him. Anzu really wasn't sure how to say _it's not you; it's me_ without sounding like a cliché in a bad movie.

So, she stayed silent, hoping the unwanted feelings passed quickly, as she walks with Ryou, trying to act innocently happy, hoping he would simply overlook it.

Hoping that he would forgive her for the wrongful and unfair feelings she was carrying.


End file.
